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Dear Uncle Bert and Auntie Gert

OMG!!!! Why do I date such losers? My Valentine's Day date just didn't get it. No roses, no French Champagne, no hand-made chocolate, no oysters and he even turned up in an Uber. An Uber!!!!! WTF? He just doesn't get the point of the holiday. And he's weird. He calls himself a Sevillian.

I'm very happy with my boyfriend. He's nice in every way except one. He complains that I have male friends and, even, that I have male employers, that I, sometimes, have a glass of wine with. He says he trusts me but he doesn't trust my friends and employers. It has become such a frequent complaint that it's beginning to affect my feelings towards him.

Oh, shit. WTF am I going to do now? I mean, I wanted the job, of course I wanted the job. I've spend lots of my own money to make sure I got the job. My rival spent far more money, almost all of it other people's. That's the difference between a conservative and a socialist. But everyone around me, except for the usual yes-men, thought I wouldn't get it. I've no experience, no real contacts, in the field. I need serious guidance.
I have been an obnoxious, dishonest, devious person who has always got what she wants. But today, even though everyone I know told me I was going to get a new job, the recruitment panel rejected me in favour of a person I have insulted and humiliated and even lied about to make sure I beat him. What should I do now?

Dear Bert and Gert

I have been quite successful in my chosen field and so people recognise me and want to associate with me. I'm not famous for being famous, or for starring in a sex tape that a publicist has made sure is circulated widely before we start to sound indignant. I've never been found drugged and unconscious on a lavatory floor nor had strings of spouses and divorces that shore up press coverage as popularity wanes.

Dear Uncle Bert and Auntie Gert

I've resigned from my job and with it I lose my tied house. So I'm going to have to find somewhere else to live. I want to go back to my old house but my family doesn't think the neighbours will be very pleased if we move back and draw a lot of attention to the area. I made a series of stupid mistakes in my job and hung my hat on a position that became unlikely then impossible so I decided to jump before I was pushed. I really don't know what to do for the best.

David C.

When I was 23, I had a science degree (unusual for a woman), a busy social diary and a bright shiny young marriage to my sixth-form sweetheart. In the next 40 years, we had successful careers and three wonderful children who are, themselves, all pursuing their dreams. We had nice cars, houses, holidays and although we are not rich, we have no money worries. But something has gone wrong.

I'm a 50 year old father of a twenty five year old son and a 22 year old daughter. My wife is 48.

We are a family divided: my wife and I think that Britain would be better if we leave the EU and our children think it would be better if we stayed.

I'm 35 years old and my parents split up when I was two. I've not heard anything at all about my father until recently when a relative told me that he had been asking about me. When I've asked my mother, she's refused to talk about him. Should I ask the relative to put us in touch? How do you think my mother would respond?

I'm a middle aged, white, Christian, heterosexual man in a profession. I own my own home, drive a nice car and take foreign holidays.

Why do so many people dislike me?

Isolated of Cheshire

Hey, Bert and Gert

I need your help. I met a girl online and went out with her.

I really tried to impress her.

 


 

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