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I'm leaving home and I don't know what to do next

Dear Uncle Bert and Auntie Gert

I've resigned from my job and with it I lose my tied house. So I'm going to have to find somewhere else to live. I want to go back to my old house but my family doesn't think the neighbours will be very pleased if we move back and draw a lot of attention to the area. I made a series of stupid mistakes in my job and hung my hat on a position that became unlikely then impossible so I decided to jump before I was pushed. I really don't know what to do for the best.

David C.

Bert says Dear Mr Cameron, sorry, David C.

And there, in that one sentence, is a major part of your problem. Prime Ministers are supposed to be respected, they are supposed to be apart from, but not distant from, the people. Prime ministers should be Mr or Mrs, they should not be known by their Christian (etc.) names. You wanted to be "David" when the country needed a "Mr Cameron."

And then you really stuffed up. You underestimated the desire of the country you led for independence and for self-determination. Unlike the Scottish referendum, there was no element of "let's give the old guard a fright and they'll surrender to our demands." It was simple; we want Parliament to have authority over our lives. And you massively underestimated how much the English, Welsh and Northern Irish really, really hate being told what to do by bullies and autocrats. The Scots are happy to be bullied and ruled by autocrats: after all, they seem to like Nicola Sturgeon. Anyway...., when you let your number two, Osborne, try to terrify the public with threats of massive tax rises, you convinced many people that the EU's bullying and autocratic style was already finding itself into UK politics and so your fate was sealed.

Your biggest problem was that you have no balls: you did not stand up for Britain in negotiations, you did not tell Germany's Merkel to take a hike when she started unilaterally making policy and demanding the EU accept it under the guise of "taking their fair share," and you did not tell the EU that targeted investment was a good idea for Greece instead of an austerity programme that undermined society. Longer term, you called the refocussing of British spending away from centralised government "austerity" when it was, in truth, redressing the excesses of the socialists Blair and Brown. Worse, you didn't have the balls to undo the Blair/Brown drift towards republicanism.

No, David, I think that if there is a blue plaque on the wall of your house that very few people will ever visit it for, if it carries the truth, it will say "Here lived David Cameron, celebrated weakling" for you did not stand up for Britain and you did not stand up for conservatives. Your tenure can best be summed up in two phrases: appeasement and taking the line of least resistance.

Gert says I'm a conservative by both politics and nature. Stop whining and be grateful you got away with your weedy, weak-willed, self-serving brand of near-socialism for so long before you were found out. Your neighbours need not worry: you won't even be fish-and-chip wrapping by Friday. The sad thing is that, standing next to you, so many moderate Conservatives have seemed radical and the left has been able to paint them as extremists. You have done the Party and the country great harm. If I didn't need a wheelchair to get around, I'd come and help toss your things into the street.

The simple truth is this: you turned out to be weaker than the people who elected you to lead. We were too often put in the position where we had to defend you: it's your job to defend us. On almost every important issue you delayed or surrendered.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. And bugger off. Tomorrow night can't come soon enough.

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