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Editorial Staff

The rising tensions between North Korea and the USA are reaching a desperately disturbing yet ridiculously comical level. Here is a false conversation between the Supreme Leader of each of those countries.

*Free for seven days*

Editorial Staff

AW.. it's so nice to see the hidden depths of affection that Trump and Merkel have for each other. Oh, wait, that might be something different. Let's listen into private chat that never actually happened between AngDon.

Editorial Staff

When Richard Head passed through the security screen at Frankfurt Airport on Friday afternoon on his way to a weekend in Amsterdam, he was taken aside and questioned about the penis pump that the XRay of his bags showed. An officer insisted on a practical demonstration. It didn't happen, we weren't there, but we're telling you about it anyway.

[Free content for Chinese New Year]

Editorial Staff

AS more than one seventh of the world's population celebrate Chinese New Year (not that they officially call it that in China), we thought you'd like to know that China's leaders and Donald Trump aren't talking to each other and this is what they aren't saying.

Openly.

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Editorial Staff

This meeting never happened, but we were there anyway. Why don't you join us as we listen in through imaginary surveillance devices.

(we've made this Premium Content article free for all to read. )

Editorial Staff

Hillary (sic) Clinton's New Democratic Party's One America Policy intends to abolish segregation. So at its National Congress, the Democratic Party decided to remove gender bias by the simple expedient of creating the "All-Gender Restroom." Here's the discussion they didn't have. (Man beaten: see update, below)

Editorial Staff

Three weeks ago, three young recruits from the FBI's secretive high tech hacking unit sat in their bunker (it's a room above a dry-cleaner's in a side street in Falls Church but don't tell them we know) and pondered the issue of how to break into an iPhone. The FBI has a near-unlimited stock of the phones that they routinely confiscate from criminals but which don't qualify as evidence. And with each of them holding handfuls of the phones, they went to work and, much to the annoyance of the "establishment" that wanted to force Apple to give them access, these three tykes found access. Here's how they did it. Their names have been changed to protect the joke.

(today is our launch day. All premium content is free today!)

Editorial Staff

Call it the queer quid, the pink pound or any one of several other, generally, derogatory names the reality is that there has long been evidence that discretionary spending (and often disposible income) is greater amongst homosexuals and other minority gender groups. We don't sit in on a meeting that never happened as Australia secretly tries to attract that spending despite its blokey image.

Editorial Staff

Complaints that the USA's Academy of Motion Picture Arts Awards fails to recognise black actors has resulted in a full review of classifications. We have obtained a transcript of a secret discussion, that did not take place, between the three anonymous people who really run the Oscars. Their names have been changed to protect the ridiculous.

CoNet Administrator

Once upon a time, an American bought London Bridge. That raises the question.. given the increasing Americanisation, and affinity with the USA, of Oxford University.. why doesn't it just sell itself, and its buildings to an American with less zeros after his name than a real billion would require?

CoNet Administrator

Humour is a powerful weapon and satire is amongst its sharpest blades. When someone said that the pen is mightier than the sword, he may well have had satire in mind.

Bryan Edwards

What's the main difference between Bahrain and Melbourne? It's not the dust: there was plenty of that in both countries. We think Bernie and the FIA have a plan...

CoNet Administrator

After much industry rumour, the iPad has finally been launched. We were not invited so we made up our own launchPad.

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