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Editorial Staff

The non-existent board of an imaginary company decide that they won't go to their bank for money, nor their shareholders. Instead, they will do capital raising by an Initial coin offering (ICO) and that, instead of using intermediaries, they will go it alone.

Editorial Staff

The war of words between Rocket Man Kim of North Korea and Orange Rug Man Trump of the USA escalated recently when Kim said "I've got the nuclear button on my desk" and Trump responded "I've got a button on my desk and my button's bigger than your button" (or some wording similar to this). It was all a bit of a giggle until Hawaii hit its own button and sent out across the whole GSM network messages to every mobile phone user telling them an attack was imminent and screaming "This is not a drill." We listened into the back channel between The White House and whatever house Kim is in. This is the conversation that never happened.

Editorial Staff

Theresa May croaked her way through her keynote speech at the Conservative Party Conference today. To say that it received rapturous applause would be a lie. In fact, it was barely polite. She was trite, buzzword and catch-phrase focused and said absolutely nothing that would have stirred a cup of tea, much less a nation.

This is an entirely fictitious version of the speech she should have given.

Editorial Staff

The rising tensions between North Korea and the USA are reaching a desperately disturbing yet ridiculously comical level. Here is a false conversation between the Supreme Leader of each of those countries.

*Free for seven days*

Editorial Staff

AW.. it's so nice to see the hidden depths of affection that Trump and Merkel have for each other. Oh, wait, that might be something different. Let's listen into private chat that never actually happened between AngDon.

Editorial Staff

When Richard Head passed through the security screen at Frankfurt Airport on Friday afternoon on his way to a weekend in Amsterdam, he was taken aside and questioned about the penis pump that the XRay of his bags showed. An officer insisted on a practical demonstration. It didn't happen, we weren't there, but we're telling you about it anyway.

[Free content for Chinese New Year]

Editorial Staff

AS more than one seventh of the world's population celebrate Chinese New Year (not that they officially call it that in China), we thought you'd like to know that China's leaders and Donald Trump aren't talking to each other and this is what they aren't saying.

Openly.

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Editorial Staff

This meeting never happened, but we were there anyway. Why don't you join us as we listen in through imaginary surveillance devices.

(we've made this Premium Content article free for all to read. )

Editorial Staff

Hillary (sic) Clinton's New Democratic Party's One America Policy intends to abolish segregation. So at its National Congress, the Democratic Party decided to remove gender bias by the simple expedient of creating the "All-Gender Restroom." Here's the discussion they didn't have. (Man beaten: see update, below)

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